Sunday, May 8, 2011

mothers day

In honor of mothers day, I’m going to tell you a little story of my upbringing.

I used to think I had a rough childhood. Growing up I felt both overly loved and neglected at the same time. I used to wish I had different parents, I wished I grew up in my friends families or my cousins families. It wasn’t until I met my wife at 21 years old that I realized what I had. I wasn’t a victim of physical abuse, I was a victim of emotional abuse, but probably not what you’re thinking. I write this on mother’s day because it was my mother that was responsible for everything I’m going to write about. I barely talked with my dad unless we were working together, and even then it was only about work.

I wasn’t told I was stupid all my life and I wasn’t yelled at or swore at on a regular basis. But growing up my mother always told me that I was perfect.  I was told that I could do anything I wanted in life and that nothing could stop me. This doesn’t sound all that bad until you realize that you’re not perfect, and you can’t do anything. Hell I could barely barely pass school. Now I don’t mean I was an idiot, I actually have an extremely high IQ, but that just means I can figure things out easily, I have taught myself almost everything I know.

My sister actually lashed out at my mother over this a few years ago. She said it was my mother’s fault for getting her hopes up, by telling her she was perfect and that she could do anything just as she told me. You see, when you are told this at a young and very impressionable age you actually believe it. This in turn sets you up for major disappointment later in life. When you finally realize that your mother was lying to you during your entire life to make you feel better about yourself, everything comes crashing down.  I went through severe depression in elementary and high school in part because of my coming to terms with reality.

When I have kids I will be more realistic with them.  I’m not going to tell them they’re perfect every second of the day, but I’m going to support them and encourage them. I hope I’ll be a good parent, I’ll be better than my dad that’s for sure, but I guess I won’t know until that day comes.

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