Wednesday, November 30, 2011

the copy paper story

Several months ago there was a meeting at work where all the managers got together and basically went around said what work they didn’t have time for anymore and they divided it amongst the non-managers. I suppose I can understand that but, among other things, I was handed work that a coworker and non-manager, who I make more money than, apparently “didn’t have time for”. This work in question was updating the employee phone directory, a 25 name list that gets updated once every few months when someone leaves. The point is that it doesn’t happen very often and updating it takes a few minutes. To say that this person didn’t have the time to do that so they passed it to me is more symbolic than anything. It’s symbolic of them not respecting me and placing her on a higher podium than I. I told you that story so you can understand my mindset at the start of this story. I feel like the low man on the totem pole, like the office peon.

A while later there was another all manager meeting where the subject of copy paper was brought up. The front office worker who kindly brought up boxes of copy paper from the basement was leaving and there needed to be someone to take his place. ManagerA, who I dislike for a few reasons, says well James refills the copy paper in the hallway printers so he should do it. The GM said if I was available and going down there anyway I could bring up a couple extra boxes for the front office, even though I don’t even work in there, I have a separate office down the hall.

So ManagerA left the meeting thinking that it was now my job and it was her job to tell me every time the copy paper gets low. The GM did not mean this whatsoever. I was never told of this because my boss understood what the GM was getting at, that it isn’t my job but I would do it if I had the time. So a while goes by and the copy paper gets low and ManagerA sends an "I’m better than you and you’re not doing your job(bringing up boxes of copy paper) so I’m going to email you, your boss and the GM to tell them that you are not doing your job" email which I took immediate offense to for multiple reasons.

I went right to my boss and told him about the email and he figured out what happened with ManagerA misunderstanding the GMs statement. He explained to her that this isn’t my job and that was that. MangerB who actually has a cubicle in the front office decides to be nice and get the copy paper boxes this time. The next time the paper gets low she emails just me to tell me to refill it. I got pissed, told my boss and deleted the email. A day or two later she emails me and CCs my boss and the GM again to say I wasn’t doing my job. When that email came through I walked off the job. I told my boss I can’t deal with her crap and thankfully he understood and let me go without any repercussions.

The next day I get called into the GMs office to explain the situation. He completely sides with me and says ManagerA had no right stepping in. He explained I’m not some peon and that I’m a well-respected and valued member of the staff, but to this day I still feel like the office peon. The GM has a talk with ManagerA and tells her she has no right stepping in and everything calms down until a month later. Then the night audit person sends an all staff email and CCs me saying “To whom it may concern…” stating that the copy paper supply is getting low and someone needs to restock it (CCing me means he wants me to do it). I went right to the GM with this and he told the night audit to not send those emails.

A couple days later the night audit sends another all staff email about paper, I get pissed, the GM gets pissed, and he is written up. He sends an apology email to me saying he didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings and was just trying to help. This all goes away for a while until yesterday. It was a wicked busy day and I was in the front office to work on a few problems when a wicked nice coworker stops me and asks if I could bring some paper up. She is so nice and asked nicely enough that I told her I would do it when I had time since I was super busy. A couple hours later ManagerA sends another email about the paper to me, CCing my boss, the GM and the nice coworker who asked me earlier. Yeah I was pissed again. At least this time she said she brought up a few reams but it wouldn’t last so she wanted me to bring some more up. I’m shocked she did that little…

So that brings me to this morning. I get another email from the extremely nice coworker who asks if I could bring a couple boxes of paper up because they were running low. After all these emails I’m still pissed about the situation. I’m not pissed that I have to get the paper. I’m pissed about not only the tone of everyone when they ask me and who stuck their head into this mess when they had no business doing so, but also about what this really means. This all means I am some low level employee that people *cough* ManagerA can boss around, and after 5 years I still have very little respect and no way to advance in the company.

Some people will say that I should just do it and shut up. Some of you will be thinking that I should be happy having a job. Let me tell you that first off having a job that you absolutely hate some days just sucks. And by the way, my wife lost her job earlier this year. We went for a long time without her income and nearly lost everything. I know how hard it is. And now because of this economy I might have to live thousands of miles away from my wife until further notice because we can’t afford to lose my income. But hey, life is hard and I’m making the most of it.

Thank you for listening to my ranting. I will now go back to finishing my regularly scheduled post SPOILERS it’s about telling my best friend…

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

thanksgiving week

So I got word that I have the week of Thanksgiving off! For some people this might be a bad thing considering I'll only get 16 hours of work and 8 hours of holiday pay but, more importantly, it means I'll be driving down to Washington DC to spend the week with a very good friend of mine who happened to be the best man at our wedding. I'm super excited! I can't promise a weekly update but I'll try my best.

I am also trying to meet up with an ABDL friend of mine from the area which leads me to a difficult decision. Do I or do I not tell my best friend of my DL side...? I don't have an answer. I'll need an answer in a few days though.

Ever since I first met him we just had this connection. He was a friend of a friend at the time but we quickly started hanging out by ourselves. Later he came out of the closet to me years before he wanted anyone else to know. I kept his secret faithfully and I know he would keep mine too. Of course I don't know 100% but as long as it doesn't freak him out, since this isn't exactly mainstream, it shouldn't come between us. This is a big decision though.

Forever this has been a very personal thing for me. Telling my wife was hard for many reasons but one of them was because I was letting someone into my little bubble I had kept to myself for what had been 15 years at the time. Now letting another person in would be difficult.

Do you guys have any suggestions? I'm really on the fence about this one. It would be easier emotionally to just lie to him than "come out" but it wouldn't right...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

our first communication UPDATED

So I finally heard from my wife! It was only about a 3 minute call but it was great to hear her voice again! She just called me to have me fax some info over to her but it was still awesome. She told me that if everything goes according to plan she will get an hour long phone conversation with me in the middle of November so I am really looking forward to that. I actually took the day off of work just in case she calls during the day. Ok I'm done now, I'll update all of you as things progress.

Not 2 hours after I posted this the phone rang. "Hey baby!" I hear on the other end. My wife has been doing so well in boot camp and her CO deemed her "an asset to her division" so they gave her a special 15 minute call home. The time went by so fast but it was great to hear her voice again. I'm on such an emotional high right now I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep...

Saturday, November 5, 2011

first anniversary

So today marks the first anniversary of my blog so I wanted to take a minute to reflect on the past 12 months and what writing this blog has done for me. When I started writing I really wanted to put myself out there. I wanted to document my trials and tribulations as a 20 something married DL. But most of all, I wanted my blog to help and inspire people.

I wanted for someone to say to me one day that reading my blog helped them to understand themselves better or it helped them to come to terms with their feelings. I can say with confidence that I accomplished my goal. I've had conversations with a couple of people who ended up coming out (for lack of a better term) to their significant others about this fetish and others who used my blog as a point of reference on what this fetish means to them.

Hearing stories like that makes me feel so proud. Proud to know that I made a difference in someone's life who I never would have met otherwise. I know a fellow blogger already does this *cough* abysitter, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If anyone would like to share their story of how my blog or any other blog or resource has helped them in their struggle with infantilism and you would like to share your story let me know and we'll see about including it here.

The main goal of this blog is to help me to come to terms with this fetish. Ever since I was little (real little not ageplay little) I always wanted to know how something worked and why it did what it did. This blog is helping me to understand what infantilism really means to me and over the years my viewpoint has changed. When I was younger I called myself a teen baby then grew into an adult baby, even though I didn't really understand what that really meant. I later figured that I was much more of a diaper lover than anything. Now 7 years out of my teens and 21 years since I discovered my love of diapers, I realize that I do have a small AB side. Not only that but I realized that I've always had an immaturity that used to come out a lot more when I was younger.

As the months and years go on I want to continue to explore this fetish and see where it takes me. This blog is a journey of discovery and I am thankful to have you here to share it with me.