Thursday, December 30, 2010

new page!

Just wanted to let you all know I just added a new page to my blog. Now there are links to my homepage and my new picture at the top of this blog. The pictures are posted in chronoligical order and theya are of me and my stash, enjoy!

Quick Takes: Making Dinner

“Alright honey.” Jimmy said as he sat on the couch with Call of Duty on pause in front of him. “I'll see you soon, love you.”

He hung up the phone knowing he still had 25 minutes until his wife, Jennifer, came home. In an effort to look like he hadn't sat around all day playing video games, he decided to start making dinner soon so it would be at least almost ready when she got home.

Fifteen minutes later he glanced at the clock. “Perfect timing.” He said to himself. He saved and quit the game and headed to the kitchen to brown some meat for tacos. He was wearing his typical jeans and a Dave Matthews t-shirt but no diaper this time. He always tells himself that, even though he would love to wear a diaper every day, he doesn't want to overdo it in front of his wife.

Half way through browning the meat he glanced out the kitchen window just in time to see the lights on his wife's car shut off. He quickly ran over to the door and unlocked it for her just in time.

“Hey, your early.” He said jokingly.

“No,” Jennifer said, looking at the stove, “you just started late.” She finished with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was your day?”

She rattled off the events of her day and asked him what he did. He tried desperately to make it sound like he didn't sit around all day but she knew him all too well. “You forgot the part about playing Xbox all day.”

“Oh come on, I didn't play Xbox all day.”

“Yeah right.” She said , “I'm gonna get changed.”

He finished up browning the meat and began cutting the tomato when she came back in. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his arms holding them tight to his body.

“You know, I can't finish making dinner with you restricting my arms like that.” He said playfully.

“I love you.” Jennifer said with a smile.

“Oh there you go, ruining the moment.” He continued the playful banter.

She released her grasp and moved her right hand down to squeeze his butt. “No crinkle butt?” she said, referring to his diaper fetish.

“Na, not right now.”

“But why not? I know you like it.” She asked.

“You know, I don't want to overdo it.”

“Hey, go put one on right now.” Jennifer said. When Jimmy didn't move she said it again, sternly. “Jimmy, go get changed!”

“Well if you put it that way, I'll be right back.” He said with a smile. He put down the knife and went to their bedroom closet where he kept his stash. Opening the door he was greeted with a suitcase on the top shelf, he unzipped it and pulled out one of his diapers, grabbed the baby powder from his night stand and laid everything out on the bed. Just as he put his finger into his waste band to pull down his pants, his wife closed the bedroom door.

“Hey, whatcha doin?” She asked playfully. Jimmy smiled back. “Let me help you with that.” Jennifer moved behind him and quickly pulled down his pants. Embarrassed, Jimmy tried to pull them back but She pushed him onto the bed on top of his diaper. “I think someone's being naughty.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Jimmy said.

Jennifer jumped onto the bed next to him and opened up the baby powder. “Just a little bit of this.” She said as she generously sprinkled it onto his private parts and inner thighs. “Oops.” She said laughing. She then grabbed him and started to jerk him off. “I know you like the powder.”

“Uh huh.” Was all he could muster as he was approaching climax.

“Alright messy boy, lets keep that in here shall we.” She quickly stopped what she was doing and folded his penis downward. She brought the diaper up between his legs resting it on his body and started tapping it in place. Jimmy knew she wasn't very good at this part so he started taping up the other side but she quickly slapped his hand. “No! I'm gonna do it.”

Jennifer finished taping the diaper on him and started rubbing him through the front of the diaper. Jimmy just lied there in pure happiness. There he was lying on his back in a t-shirt and diaper with his beautiful wife lying next to him rubbing his diaper. Just then he climaxed. His body contorted in pleasure as Jennifer continued to rub, “Alright, alright!” he said.

“Is my baby done?” She asked in a motherly tone as she pulled back her hand. He just looked at her and smiled. “Dinner time!” She said as she jumped off the bed and ran into the kitchen.

James laid there for a minute. “Come on crinkle butt!” Jennifer called from the kitchen.

Remaining in just a t-shirt and diaper, James got his food and sat down with his wife to watch some TV and unwind.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

quick takes: intro

What I would like to do here is write down a collection of short stories that I have stuck in my head, some of them true while others are just made up. For as long as I can remember I have been making up stories in my head. Back when I was just a kid I became a Ninja Turtle, a Ghostbuster, an army guy or even Mario from Super Mario Brothers, and I fought evil in my backyard. As I grew up it was all about Sci Fi. I come from a very religious family which meant going to mass every Sunday and randomly during the week with my school. to cope with the boring services I created stories in my head, usually involving a war of some sort, that would play out in the church. It was very entertaining.

When I really got into diapers my stories would always involve them. At night I would pretend my bed was a spaceship millions of light years from home and I had to wear a diaper because we didn't have a bathroom. Those stories would always involve at least a couple diaper changes, even if my "diaper" was just a blanket. It would always imagine myself as a baby being diapered or as a daddy diapering my stuffed animals.

But why am I telling you all this you may be asking yourself. Well from now on I will be incorporating my fantasies into this blog. When inspiration strikes I will write a quick short story and publish it here. These may be a few paragraphs or a couple parts but they will be entertaining. I'll keep my twitter as a springboard for this site so if you found me without twitter I want to thank you for your time but I ask you to join twitter and follow me to stay up to date with my postings and to enjoy my daily rants, raves and general thoughts and ideas. If you enjoy my stories please share them with your friends so others may enjoy them as much as you do.

I will start soon with my "quick takes" so get ready!

Friday, December 17, 2010

the number 26

As I stated in an earlier post, the number 26 is very important to my wife and me, but why is it exactly? Well it has somehow come up everywhere in our lives. It started just before we met each other. The only #26 we actually planned was our wedding day, June 26, 2010.

- I moved down to Florida to attend a 6 week film academy in 2005. On June 26, 2005 I completed a film that is still my favorite out of anything I have ever done. I have the film canisters sitting on my book case in the living room with June 26, written all over them.

-When the film academy concluded I decided to move there permanently with 2 buddies of mine. Since none of us lived in Florida, we all went home for about 10 days to pack up our stuff and make the move. After another 2 days drive I arrived on August 26, 2005 which is, incidentally, the same day my mother packed up everything I left in my room and put it in the attic. She wrote August 26, on all of the boxes.

-The three of us guys spent the next month playing video games and drinking beer all day. I finally decided to get a job in mid/late September and went for an interview at Universal Studios Orlando. I was asked to come back for a second interview on September 26th and I was hired at the end of that interview.

-My future wife had moved down to Florida by herself in the beginning of September and was working at Universal Studios already. September 26th was the day she found out she had identity fraud. While I was driving home from my second interview to celebrate getting a job she was walking home in tears after just hearing the news. And Universal Orlando just so happens to have 26 rides.

-On October 26th I was working at the Jurassic Park ride and my future wife was in the other park working at Starbucks. We had both opened that day (7am) but I was scheduled to work until 2:30 am for the Halloween event. We were short staffed that night and it just so happened that my boss was married to a coworker of my future wife’s. He asked my future wife if she wanted to help out at the ride that night and she agreed. I was the first person she saw on the ride so she stopped to ask where my boss was. After I told her I turned to check her out again and found her doing the same thing. We didn’t get to have our first date until a week later but we worked together until 2:30 am every night until then.

-On December 22, 2005 my now girlfriend was told by her grandparents that she had to move out by the end of the month (9 days notice!). She frantically searched for a place to live and came up with two options. We went out to eat with my parents, who were down for Christmas, where my mother told her she should just move in with me. We talked about it over the next couple days and she decided it was the best of her options. So on December 26th, the day after Christmas, she moved in with me.

-The next 2 #26’s were part of a sequence of events that started when I was very young…no seriously. When I was born, my parents had two cats. These cats loved me like I was their own and it started a connection to cats that I still have today. Because of this connection, when my girlfriend moved in and brought her 4 year old cat along, I had to get a kitten of my own. We started looking online and realized we needed to go in person. On June 26, 2006, again still not planning the 26 connection, we went to the local shelter in Orlando and adopted a 4 month old kitten. She was sick but I had to have that one so we waited it out. After recovering from an infection she had her spay surgery and we got to take her home finally on July 26, 2006.

-We eventually moved back up to New England where I bought my first car, my first 2 cars were gifts; this was the first one I bought with my own money, on August 26, 2007.

-I bought a condo in Rhode Island for my girlfriend and I, we closed on June 26, 2008.

-I took my girlfriend ring shopping in mid July of that year where we had a ring custom made for her. I bought it that day and while trying to figure out when I would propose I noticed July 26th was the next Saturday in July, so I took her to the beach and proposed.

-the next #26 is something I wish I did a long time ago. It was March 26 that I told my fiancée about my diaper fetish.

-The next #26 was the only one we planned. We wanted a June wedding outside near a lake, and in keeping with the accidental tradition, we decided we had to get married on a 26 so we set the date as June 26, 2010 and got married in a gazebo on a lake.

So out of 14 occurrences of the #26 only one of them was planned, kind of interesting if you ask me.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


I wanted to thank you all for continuing to read and enjoy my blog! I just hit 1,000 views last night and I couldn't be happier! My goal from the beginning has been and will always be to create the website I wish I found when I was struggling through my teenage years. So if you enjoy my blog please share it with your friends so I can help others dealing with what I went through. Thank you all once again for your support!

Stay squishy!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

the night I told my wife, part 2

"I like it."

She looked dumbfounded. "You like it?"

"It's a like a fetish." I told her, feeling completely defeated. "I really didn't want you to find out like this." I paused for a second trying to figure out what to say next. "Remember last week when I told you how, when I was younger, the doctor suggested that I wear diapers? Well that's when this all started. At first I hated it but I kinda grew to like it. It became comforting to wear one and I was kinda sad to see them go."

"So what's with all the pictures?"

"Well...I like looking at 'em. It's called infantilism.

"Ok, I need to go to bed." She said.

It wasn't quite bedtime yet but I just wanted this day to end. I got changed and climbed into bed while she was washing up in the bathroom. She didn't say a word when she climbed into bed next to me. I lay there in silence, not sure what to say or do.

She spoke up. "You need to see someone about this. I want this to stop."

I paused for a second. "Ok, I'll stop it."

"I think you should see a therapist."

"I'm not gonna see a therapist about this. I'll stop it and that'll be fine."

"No, you need to talk to someone about this. This isn't right."

"No, I'll stop it and everything will be fine. Ugh, I just wish you knew more about it before making this decision."

She said nothing for a minute. "Ok." Was all she said.

"Ok. I'll send you some information tomorrow."

"Ok." She said, and rolled over.

The next morning I got got ready for work and left before her alarm as usual. I couldn't stop thinking about last night all day. When I had some free time I gathered a bunch of information for her. I sent her a couple links to definitions and descriptions of infantilism along with links to the Tyra Banks Show on infantilism and The Secret Lives of Women featuring Baby Ella. I encouraged her to do a little of her own research and ask me anything she wants, there would be no secrets between us anymore.

When I pulled into the parking lot at home I was surprised to see her car, she was suppose to be in class tonight. When I walked in she was sitting on the couch with her laptop in her lap. "Hey," I said "I thought you had class."

"I didn't feel like it tonight." She replied. "Sit down."

I took off my coat and sat next to her. "Did you see my email?"

"Yeah, and I did a ton research on my own." I glanced at her laptop and saw a full page of questions she typed up in word. She started asking me questions. "So are you an AB or a DL or a fury?" She said, uncomfortably.

"Well I don't think a furry has anything to do with it."

"That's what it said online."

I quickly decided not to argue and replied. "I'm a DL."

A wave of relief came over her face. "That's good. I don't think I could deal with an AB."

"Oh, why?" I asked.

"I really need to come home to an adult. I had to take care of my mother all my life, I don't want to come home and take care of you."

"Oh ok, yeah that's not me. You know that's interesting though, that's why a lot of people become DL's, because they had to grow up so fast, they want to recapture their youth."

"I know," she said, "I read that online. So do you use them?" She was still noticeably uncomfortable.

"I do." I was starting to feel really good. Getting all this off my chest and knowing that there are absolutely no secrets between us was liberating.

"Do you do #1 or #2?" She was anxious about this one.

"I hate #2, too much cleanup."

"So you do do #1 then?"


She began scanning her document. I glanced over at it trying to see what she wrote. I saw something about furries and how she wanted nothing to do with diapers before she asked the next question. "So what do you like about diapers?"

I took a second to think. "That's a really tough question. I don't know, its comforting to wear a diaper. It brings me back to a time in my life when I had no responsibilities and no cares in the world. It's very relaxing."

"So why do you have so many pictures of girls in your computer?"

"I've always liked looking at girls in diapers. It makes me wish I was wearing one."

"She was noticeably uncomfortable with the next question. "Do you masturbate to those pictures?"

I had already made the decision to be completely honest so I was. "I have, yes, but not in a long time."

"So it's a sexual thing for you?"

"Well yes and no. It is very sexually stimulating but I don't just wear a diaper to get off. I enjoy just sitting around in a diaper. It's like another form of underwear."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." She said.

I then got one more glance at the document the typed up before she deleted it. She went play by play through every possible thing I could have said. She basically wanted nothing to do with an AB and didn't want to participate in any of this. She had also wrote nothing about seeing a therapist which gave me hope.

Then she spoke up. "I guess it's not all that bad. I definitely don't want to see any dirty diapers. I think that's disgusting, and I really wish you would stop looking at those pictures."

"Of course." I said with a relieved smile.

"I wish you would have told me sooner."

I cut her off. "Oh I do too. I wanted to so bad."

"So why didn't you?"

"Well I've heard so many stories about people telling their friend's or family or significant others and getting nothing but ridicule and embarrassment and I couldn't go through with that. I love you so much I couldn't loose you. But I've been trying to tell you. I wanted to tell you."

We embraced and held each other for a while until I broke the silence. "So what are my boundaries here? Can I wear diapers or...?"

"Well I don't care what you do when I'm not home. If you want to wear them go right ahead."

I was trying to be as careful with my questions as possible. "Well do you want to see me in one or no?"

"Well I don't want it to be the first thing I see when I get home, but I guess it's ok."

After another long silence she asked another question. "So have you fantasized about me in a diaper?"

I was embarrassed to say it but I responded with, "I have."

After another bit of silence, "Do you want to see me in one?"

I couldn't believe what I was getting into. This was something I only dreamt about. "Yeah, if your willing to."

"I'll do it but if I don't like it I'm out."

"I'll never bring it up again."


After a brief pause I asked another question. "So what kind do you want to try?"

I'll stop it here for now, and I'll continue with more of this story in a later post. As usual, I welcome any and all feedback, please comment below and I'll continue writing above. And as always, stay squishy!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The night I told my wife

So, the night I told my wife...that was a big night. She was my fiancée at the time and I know, I really should have told her before giving her the ring but I just couldn't. As many of you probably know, it is extremely hard to tell people of your secret life. I was haunted by... maybe haunted isn't the right word...but I can't think of anything else so, haunted it is. I was haunted by stories from other ABs and DLs of when they told their significant others. It seems like almost every story I read was negative. The only positive outcomes to telling a significant other came from fictional stories in the forums. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to telling her. I even contemplated never telling her, but I knew deep down inside that I had to eventually.

I was psyching myself up to tell her. I was reading story after story looking for positive outcomes to make me feel better. Scenes would play in my mind of what she would say, both good and bad. But, in fairness, they were almost all bad. They always ended with her breaking up with me or being secretively a DL as well, there was never a middle ground. My dreams, however, were never as complex as reality so I wasn't exactly prepared for what happened.

It started over a year ago, March 26, 2009. How exactly do I know the date you ask? For some reason everything happens to us on the 26th, I'll have to go into more detail about that later, it's kind of weird...moving on. March 26th 2009, it was a Thursday. I had been getting ready to share my deepest and darkest secret with the woman I loved, the woman I would marry in 15 months. It was a long engagement, 23 months in total, why so long? 23 months after I asked her to marry me June 26th fell on a Saturday, we had to be married on a 26, again, I’ll explain later, back to the story.

What I haven’t told you all yet is that I had been looking for and storing pictures of diapered adults, mostly girls, on my hard drive for as long as I can remember. I have quite a large collection now and back then I would still enjoy looking at my collection. They are to this day still hidden in a random folder deep in my hard drive where one couldn’t possibly accidently discover, or so I thought.

On March 26th, I came home from work as usual to find her home as usual, but something wasn’t right. We had been together for almost 3 years so I knew when something was on her mind, not that she hides it very well anyway.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I need to show you something.” She replied. My heart sank as we walked into the bedroom. Somehow I knew what was coming next. “Earlier I was trying to save my paper for class and I found this on your computer.” She walked right over to my computer, pulled up ‘My Computer’ and went right to my hiding spot. “Why do you have pictures of girls wearing diapers on your computer?”

I didn’t know what to say, I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I sat down the bed.

“I need to know the truth.” She said, standing in front of me.

“I… like it.” Not the best choice of words but with my mind racing it was all I could come up with.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

why religion why

Shocker, my world does not revolve around diapers. I feel compelled to write about a non-diaper related issue that has been on my mind recently. I used to be a very religious person, the key phrase there being "used to be". I am now not a practicing religious person and I know that will be a problem in the relatively near future.

My story starts in second grade, I know it's a long time ago but hang in there. Like most Americans, I was in the local public school. Unlike most Americans, in the first and second grades I would get into fights every day. These fights would end up with people on the ground bloody and crying. I spent a lot of time sitting in the main office, that's the administrative offices just outside the principal’s office where you have to wait to see the head honcho. I would also come home with cuts and bruises often.

In second grade my parents had enough. Since I was in a very religious family, they found the best Catholic school they could afford and at the end of second grade I transferred. I spent the whole summer between second and third grade catching up academically to my new peers. To give you an idea, the school I came from didn't even give homework until the fifth grade and the school I was going to started giving homework in kindergarten. Needless to say I was way behind.

After spending the whole summer learning how to multiply and divide, write in cursive, and read and spell at an advanced level, I was thrown into a much different environment. They prayed multiple times every day and had school wide church services on a regular basis. It did strengthen my religious ties but 6 years later, by the time high school came around (9th grade), I had had enough.

We moved into a new town the year before and my mom sent me to the newly formed church youth group which got me back into the religion. It wasn't just about praying in school and going to church anymore, it was about being with like-minded people my own age. Most of them were from public schools making these meetings their only source of religious activity, which helped to turn me around and bring me back into all of it. I was an active member for four years and since it was a new group, I was one of the oldest so I had a lot of people looking up to me during those four years. But when it came to the end of my senior year of high school I had to leave.

It was a rule that after you graduate from high school you cannot attend the meetings anymore unless you want to be a group leader. If you want to pursue the path of a leader you need to take a year off and reflect on your connection with the religion. Since I was one of the founding members and I was in new town when it all started, these were my only friends. To be told that I couldn't hang out with them anymore really hurt me. I begged and pleaded to be let back in but they were firm with their rule. This sent me on a downward spiral that I never recovered from.

Wow that sounded bad...oh well it's already written...moving on. We moved again a few months after I started college which helped me to distance myself from everyone I used to hang out with and ultimately ended a relationship I was in. I was only seven minutes from campus now so I spent all my time there and met a whole bunch of new people. I found a new Catholic youth group that I was a leader of for a few months before it was shut down due to false accusations from another leader, the truth came out and our head minister was cleared but the group never recovered. Now I was on my own again. I was out of another youth group and the only thing keeping me going to church was my girlfriend at the time. I was just going through the motions.

When my junior year of college came to an end, due to various things I will get into later, I was determined to leave Massachusetts. I broke up with my latest girlfriend of almost 4 years and all I wanted to do was get as far away as possible. I spent the next 2 years living in Florida where I completely abandoned my religion and met my future wife, and yes from the moment I saw her I knew she was the one. Together we moved back into my parent’s house in Massachusetts before buying a condo in Rhode Island. She is from a different religion then I was brought up in and also abandoned it when she moved to Florida. We got married 5 months ago and religion started creeping back in.

When the wedding came up I convinced my family that it had to be in a non-religious location because her side of the family is in a religion that doesn't mix well with the one my side of the family is in. This excuse worked for the wedding but now my family wants me to get the marriage blessed by a priest from their religion and I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to be in that religion anymore. I don't believe in it and I don't want to fake it anymore. Of course my wife is now hinting that she wants our kids to grow up in a religion. To top it off, I know my family will be clamoring for a baptism as soon as my first child is born. I know I won't be ousted by the family for not baptizing my kids but things won’t be the same. I am currently my grandmother's favorite grandchild, and with 30 grandkids that's saying a lot. It would break her heart to find out I want nothing to do with the religion she raised us all in. It kills me to think about that. I really don't know what to do. I want to live my own life the way I want to but I don't think that's possible. My wife and I both fell in love with Hawaii on our honeymoon. We both joke about moving there frequently and I know that would solve a lot of my problems. I would finally be out of my family's reach and I could live my life the way I want to.

Due to my family being so intensely religious, I feel my only way to escape this grip would be to move very far away and start a new life. I'm not saying I want to completely abandon my family, but I need space to live my life the way I want to. I don't want to baptize my kids into a religion that I don't believe in and I don't want to fake my beliefs to make my family happy. Obviously I am not bashing any religions here. Whatever you believe in is fine by me, unless you believe that killing thousands of people will get you into heaven, that I have a problem with. All I'm saying is that I don't believe in this religion and I don't want to be forced to believe it to make my family happy. I just wish moving to Hawaii was feasible.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

the year was 1988

The year was 1988. I was a 2nd grader and my life was about to change forever. Ok, it's really not that dramatic but it is where it all began.

1988 was the year my sister was born. I was 3 1/2 at the time and I was very impressionable and very jealous. It's the typical story, my sister was getting all the attention and I was feeling left out. I actually have a picture of the moment I connected my jealousy of my sister with the fact that she was wearing diapers.

I remember that day very well. My family and I were vacationing in New Hampshire and we were hanging around the condo we had rented. My sister was getting a lot of attention and I was feeling left out. It was at that time my sister and I posed with my mother for a picture. In this picture my sister (less than 1 year old) and I (4 years old) were sitting on my mother's lap and I am clearly staring at my sister's diaper. My 4 year old brain figured that she was getting so much more attention because either she was smaller than me or she was wearing a diaper and of course I went with the diaper solution.

That was the moment I associated diapers with love and attention. That moment changed my life forever. Every time I go back to my parents house and I see that picture and feel lucky to actually have a picture of the moment that defined who I would be for the rest of my life.

Monday, November 15, 2010


I suppose I should thank the power of twitter for getting me to 200 views in 7 days. So, thank you Twitter! Incidently you can follow me on twitter @closetdl.

Friday, November 12, 2010

infantilism on the internet

You know I didn't expect to already be writing the same post as another blog *cough* *cough* but I was in the middle of writing this post when she posted her own ABDL blogs post. Regardless, I am still publishing this post since I feel it is a bit different then hers. So without further due here is the post I was writing at the time.

The reason why I feel compelled to write this blog is because of all the other blogs I've found in my travels across the vast internet and how they helped me growing up. I suffered from depression as a young boy and after the initial discomfort stemming from having to wear diapers for a medical reason I grew to like them. They became a source of comfort and relaxation. One thing that got me though everything was finding an online community where I was accepted for who I was. The following is a short list of blogs sites that were instrumental to me understanding and accepting who I was.

The now defunct was the first website I found on my search to understand my diaper desires. When I found DPF it was like a huge weight came off my shoulders, it was at the point that I realized that I wasn't alone in the world. There were actually others who enjoyed diapers as I did.

I eventually found Daily Diapers in it's original format on geocities or something, I don't remember. To this day this site satisfies my desire to see pictures of people in diapers. I didn't become active in the forums until much later and I eventually wrote my own story, The Closet Life which has garnered over 29,000 views so far.

I also enjoyed Deeker back in the day. I will not link to it now because, like many other ABDLs, I do not agree with what it has become. I did enjoy the stories on that site and I found my favorite story of all time, Little League. Has anyone else read this one?

I'll end this post with a short list of some of the blogs I spend time with now.
-I Heart Diapers: I good blog from a 20 something life-long incontinent girl
-The Daily Crinkle: A blog from a 22 year old California boy who is also partially incontinent
-Pampered Penny: A good site ran by a 20 something AB girl/photographer/videographer

The last blog I frequent is Ella's Playspace. This is ran buy a New England AB who was featured on The Secret Lifes of Women, a show about what else... secret lives of women. It's important to me because I used this blog and her episode of The Secret Lives of Women to explain this side of me to my wife(who was my girlfriend at the time).

There are, of course, many others and I will get into them in later posts.

EDIT: Until I write Part 2 of this post please all check out Baby Mikie's blog!

my first experience

I would like to share a quick story of my first diaper experience. This is the first time I wore a diaper after I was potty trained around age 4. I have a very close and a quite large family. I have 8 aunts and uncles who are all married and I am the second oldest of 30 grand kids, the youngest being 3. This story takes place about 20 years ago when the family was much smaller and more tight-knit.

Since there were so many of us, we would have a big family party once a month to cover all the birthdays. It was at one of these parties that I had my first post potty training diaper experience. Every family party was at my grandparent’s house since it was the biggest but unfortunately they only had two bathrooms for the 30+ of us. As a lot of diaper stories start, I had to pee real bad. I quickly made my way to the first floor bathroom just as the door closed. I turned around and headed up stairs to the second floor bathroom and that was occupied as well.

Not knowing what to do, I went to a bedroom just down the hall and sat there on the bed. I was doing the pee dance while sitting on the corner of the bed. Then I remembered, since there are so many babies in my family and my grandmother watches them often, she keeps a closet full of diapers right across the hall from the room I was sitting in. I scurried out of the room and opened the closet door in search of a diaper. I was met with piles of diapers. Not realizing there were so many different types and sizes, I grabbed the first one I saw. I quickly checked for any adults and ran back into the room shutting the door behind me.

I lied down on the bed and started to diaper up. The diaper didn't quite fit but I managed to hold it in place with my underwear. After I pulled my pants back up I laid there trying to pee. I stared out the window at the rain, thinking to myself, "Come on just let go, just pee." Surprisingly I was able to finally pee my diaper while lying down and realized right away that it wasn't all that bad, and I kind of liked the warmth between my legs.

I was lying there for a bit enjoying my newly soiled diaper when there was a knock at the door. I froze as my uncle opened the door.
"Jim, it's time to go, your parents are leaving."
"I'll be there in a minute," I replied, "I just need to go to the bathroom."
He left and I quickly ran down the hall to the bathroom, ripped my diaper off and stuffed it deep inside the trash basket.

That night didn't get me hooked on them and I wasn't even planning on wearing a diaper again. Little did I know, a couple years later I actually needed to wear diapers on a semi-regular basis.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

diaper boundaries

I get a considerable amount of flak every time I get pulled into a conversation about wearing diapers outside of the comforts of the home. It is simply not my thing. I mean no offense to anyone who wears diapers out in public under their clothes, as long as your not walking around showing your diapers to non-infantilists.

Diapers for me are very personal. Putting on a diaper is a source of comfort and relaxation that I can't find anywhere else. I am not, however, an Adult Baby, an AB to use proper abbreviations. I don't want to be a baby, I don't want to suck a bottle or eat baby food or be treated like a 1 year old. I don't like saying I regress, but my regression age would be 6. That's not quite the age this all started but it's the age at which I discovered diapers for the first time. I'll write more on that subject in a future post.

I greatly enjoy just hanging out playing video games or watching TV, I do like watching kids shows especially late 80's and early 90's shows but their hard to come by. I definitely don't shy away from using my diapers for their intended purpose. Whenever I'm diapered my brain goes into diapered mode and I can freely wet them without thinking sometimes which is almost always cool. The exception to that would be when I'm diapered around my wife. She is fine with me wearing around the house but when I told her about my fetish we made an agreement that she is not to see me in a dirty diaper. I am of course free to do whatever I want when she is out of the house which is perfectly fair and I take advantage of it.

Monday, November 8, 2010

diaper jay

The following is one of my getting caught stories. I was about 17 years old, after getting my license I started buying Depend diapers at the local pharmacy(that’s all they sold and I didn’t know any better). I used to hide them in a draw under my bed which could only open about 6 inches before hitting my desk so I naively thought it would be secure enough. Also, my younger sister didn’t have her own computer at the time so she would frequently use mine which leads me to the meat of the story.

I was out one day when my sister and her friend were in my room using my computer so I don’t know exactly what happened but I heard about it that night at a youth group meeting we attended regularly. I was one of the older people there, that’s not to say I was the only person my age, and my sister(4 years younger) was one of the youngest. She had her group of friends and I had mine but we hung out with a couple of the same people. I heard some snickering coming from her group of friends and I could tell it was directed toward me, and I wasn't just being paranoid, it was obvious they were talking about me. Then the name calling started.

One of our “friends” started making references to pampers and diapers loudly around me, then he started asking me if I needed any or if he could borrow some for his younger brother while all his friends just laughed at it/me. I thought my life was over. I figured everyone knew about my affinity for diapers and that was it. Then they even started bringing people outside to tell them what my sister and her friend found in my room.

Another kid who we were both friends with, was actually sticking up for me saying he didn’t believe it and that they shouldn’t be spreading rumors about me. My own group friends refused to believe it and many of them refused to be told what the rumors even were. They were true friends, and I say “were” because none of us talk anymore sad to say. My sister’s group of friends, one kid in particular, started calling me “Diaper Jay” and he did so for the next couple weeks before he finally lost interest. My ex girlfriend, who I was still friends with at that time, pulled me aside that first night after I left the meeting and said she wanted to talk about it, I told her we could talk later since I was going out with a few people, I never did have that conversation with her and to this day I still wonder what she would have said.

There have been a few instances since that night that it was brought up but I'll save that for another time.

Friday, November 5, 2010

a closet life

So for my first post I feel compelled to explain myself. I am an infantilist, a DL, a diaper lover. If you know what that is great! If you don't, then prepare for some interesting conversations. If you Google infantilism, which I so graciously did for you, you get some interesting results but I would like to give you a site that explains what infantilism means to me by way of personal experiences and stories. So please sit back and enjoy my life as a DL, a closet life, told through the eyes of a 20 something married man and his loving, caring and understanding wife.