So last night I was minding my own business fast asleep when all of a sudden I was rudely awoken by...well I have no idea what it was but it was like 12:30am and I still had 4 hours of potential sleep left so I wasn't exactly happy. Anyway, I decided to check my phone and found the following attached to an email from my wife. She wanted me to post this as a blog post and, after reading it, I loved it and I couldn't wait to share it with all of you. Enjoy the first guest post from my wife and our really...dumb...cat, Cirrus! It's pronounced like the type of cloud, not like Miley Cyrus.
I have three cats. One may think
that is way too many cats for one household, and that my future self is
destined to be a crazy cat woman, but I do not plan for these events to take
place.
However; as I’m writing this, I
find myself at this current moment alone with three cats in a large house with
minimal household supplies, and only a camping chair and an air mattress as my
furniture.
Don’t judge, this is not my
choice, The Navy has currently decided that it is in my best interests to wait
for an undetermined amount of time before I can have my husband and my
belongings back. But, I guess if you
really wanted to, you could call me a prodigy of a crazy cat lady.
Anyway, since I am made to live
this minimalistic lifestyle, I find entertainment a little scarce. And since I
have three cats, what else would I write about. But honestly, I’m only going to
focus on one pussy for now.
We call her the Stupid One.
There’s is always one in the family. I swear her head is permanently in the
clouds, hence the reason why we named her after a cloud. Well it was either
that or Bacardi or Smirnoff. (Yes we were drunk when we were picking out cat
names, and yes the Bacardi and Smirnoff were helping, but that’s beside the
point).
Regardless, her favorite toys are
a small foam soccer ball and beer bottle tops. (And yes we found out she likes
beer tops while we were drinking). But what I’m trying to get at is, have you
ever looked at an animal and thought, “what is going on in that little mind?”
and then come to the conclusion that it is beyond their primitive cognitive
ability to do anything but walk, talk, eat, sleep, and poop.
So congratulations! You’ve met
the Stupid One.
You may be thinking I think all
animals don’t have much more capacity in their little brains to do much more
than the normal functions of everyday life. But it is the fact that problem
solving and pretty much anything else that normal animals do come at a loss to
this one. In fact she has so many quirks that make her so odd that I could
probably write a book on this strange cat. Take this for example…
She spends a good 30 minutes or more each day just staring at the celling.
Just staring…
And then you get all paranoid because you think she’s stalking a spider, and you look at where she’s looking and there’s nothing there. Absolutely nothing.
And you start thinking what the
f*** are you staring at. And then you
yourself start craning your head around, tilting your face this way and that
just to justify your cats’ strange behavior. Now who looks like the idiot?
Another quirk she has is a habit of talking to walls. There she’ll be sitting on the floor staring up at the wall or ceiling, (kinda hard to tell at certain angles) and will continue to intermittently talk to it. She does this right before she takes a leaping jump off of it. The closest thing I can guess is that she’s asking permission to jump off an inanimate object. But she’s stupid, she doesn’t know any better.
Honestly, as far as I can tell it’s all part of cat’s master plan to take over the world. Either that or she can see ghosts. One or the other, take your pick.
Stay tuned for more Stupid One’s Antics…
Kitty fetishes,
Door stopper revenge,
Step tripping,
Whack-a-Mole food eating,