october 2012

Wow this has been quite a busy and emotional month. Where to start...

I was offered a new position at my job a few weeks ago. I am super excited for this job because it gets me back into an office job and working a much more stable schedule. It also is my first professional job in the media field and my first management position. I went to school for TV studio production so to finally have a job where I will be shooting and editing videos is amazing! I basically get paid a regular salary to be creative!

The biggest thing about my new position is the hours. The job I was hired for a couple months ago was a night position, which meant long nights and almost no time to see my wife. I basically woke up around noon, got to work about 2 PM and stayed there until everything was done. I had many 10, 12 and some 14 hour nights that were physically and emotionally draining to say the least. I basically had no time to spend with my wife and almost no time to myself. But hopefully that will all be over since I'm back into a 9-5 type of job.

Next October event: We just got back from a weekend trip up Universal Studios Hollywood! My wife and I met working at Universal Studios so it's always going to be a special place for us. This year we went to Halloween Horror Nights which, if you aren't aware, is when they setup various haunted mazes around the park for you to walk through. They also setup scare zones around the park so as you're walking through smoke filled sections of the park creatures jump out and try and scare you, or they could creepily follow you around... Anyway, the whole night is all about getting scared and marveling at the movie quality sets and makeup. They do it every weekend in October so I highly recommend making the trip next year if you're a big Halloween buff.

Some more stuff happened to me this month that I'm not prepared to talk about yet but soon enough.

Oh yeah, Happy Halloween!

decidedly september

This September has flown by! I remember when I was growing up my parents would always say the years go by faster as you get older and I 100% agree with that.

So my job is going well for the most part. I'm learning a lot and have been the closing supervisor a few times which is pretty cool. Of course the closing part isn't so cool. The ad I applied for online mentioned nothing about this being a pm shift. Working nights is definitely putting a strain on my marriage and I don't know how much longer I can do this. It's only been a month and as much as I enjoy the people and the work, for the most part, I don't know long I can keep this up.

The main thing that keeps going through my head is that my wife will eventually be deployed and I never see her already. She works mornings and I work nights, so we only see each other on the weekends if I'm not working. It's a rough thing to go through and I don't really want to do it anymore. I would rather be unemployed for a while if it means seeing her again. Of course I have only been there for a month so I would also feel terrible for leaving so soon. Decisions decisions...

If anyone has any advice I am all ears. I really wish I could do some kind of work from home. Maybe I could be the next internet star or...something.

socal life

Wow what happened to the time? I still haven't quite adjusted to life out here enough to get back into weekly updates, but I really should! I miss writing and I miss communicating with my readers.

What have I been up to?

I have a new job finally! About a week after I got here I applied to a job that was very similar to what I had back home so I figured I was a shoe in and would be working in no time. Well, after a couple interview over the following 6 weeks I was hired. They they told me that I would have to wait 2 more weeks because the department manager was just starting his vacation. So anyway, now that I am almost through my second week of work things are getting back to normal.

We have made a few good friends among the military people. Almost every weekend we have people over which is something that I always wanted. Due to various circumstances (moving around the country and the like) I didn't have too many friends around where I grew up so there was no parting with people on the weekends. So finally having a group of friends is pretty sweet.

My diaper wearing has been rather sporadic. As of right now I haven't worn in a couple weeks because of time constraints or I just haven't felt like it. After sitting around for 2 months my first 2 weeks of work have left me exhausted every night so I lack the desire to do much of anything. But I do have a building desire to wear and I should be making time for it very soon.

My new SoCal life has also affected my social presence. I have been neglecting my twitter and I honestly feel bad about it. Over the past 4 years I have made some great friendships through twitter and I feel like I've left them out to dry. I have been working on staying in touch with people but it's a work in progress.



So here's to my new life in sunny California and, here's to getting back in the wing of things with my old online self!

cross country drive

Holy crap June was busy!

If you follow me on twitter then you would...also have seen less of me... Sorry about that... Where to begin...

My planned move to sunny, for the most part, San Diego was a success! Unless you add finding a job into that category, then it's only a partial success. I spent the month of June packing and preparing both my work and non-work lives for an adventure across the country, literally corner to corner.

On my birthday, June 14th, my sister and I headed out on a well over 3,000 mile (4,800+ kilometer) drive that took over 50 hours. Note: I didn't time the drive, but Google says 51 hours and I know we were stuck in SO MUCH TRAFFIC that it has to be near 60 hours...

So I must be going to attend to my Skyrim character. He needs me! I'll leave you with this and talk to you all again real soon!

Thoughts along the drive:

Everyone says diapers on a road trip are the best. I only had to go to the bathroom once during the day so I guess I wouldn't have used it anyway. And I don't know how you guys drive while diapered. It's so uncomfortable! I am speaking from past experience however, I didn't actually wear a diaper on this trip, in fact, aside from the other night, I haven't worn in a while.

Texas is HUGE! But it wasn't as boring as I expected. In fact, the entire drive wasn't too bad at all. The scenery varied so much that it was pretty interesting.

It cost me something like $25 in tolls to get from Boston to Washington DC, then not a single toll from DC to San Diego. WEIRD.

My former boss only had to call me twice with questions so that means I left them in good hands.

There is a lot of road construction around Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas and Texas.

Dallas was pretty sweet looking, and you get a good view of it from I30.

Not counting Canada, I had never seen another country before, so to be less that 1000 feet from the border of Mexico was pretty cool. Of course, that part of Mexico was rather 3rd world country looking so it wasn't a great first impression, but whatever.

Oh right I almost forgot... I almost DIED in...some...state...on a bridge! Basically I was driving in the middle lane in the middle of a bridge when I decided to pass the car in front of me so I started merging into the left lane. Just as my front left tire crosses the lane divider I heard a metal clanging noise and looked ahead to see a big piece of metal come flying out from the bottom of the car I was trying to pass. The metal object was about a foot of so long and a few inches wide and was spinning rapidly as it flung at my car.

I managed to swerve into the left lane and as I looked to my right I saw the metal object fly past my car in the middle of the lane at about eye level. I'm sure it would have easily pierced my windshield and hit me or my sister, not to mention the fact that I'm in the middle of a bridge and who knows what would have happened afterward. I then looked back to see the object thankfully fly under the car that was behind me, unfortunately I saw his right rear tire explode followed by a tire on the car behind him. I don't know exactly what happened but I wish everyone involved all the best.

guest post: cirrus

So last night I was minding my own business fast asleep when all of a sudden I was rudely awoken by...well I have no idea what it was but it was like 12:30am and I still had 4 hours of potential sleep left so I wasn't exactly happy. Anyway, I decided to check my phone and found the following attached to an email from my wife. She wanted me to post this as a blog post and, after reading it, I loved it and I couldn't wait to share it with all of you. Enjoy the first guest post from my wife and our really...dumb...cat, Cirrus! It's pronounced like the type of cloud, not like Miley Cyrus.

I have three cats. One may think that is way too many cats for one household, and that my future self is destined to be a crazy cat woman, but I do not plan for these events to take place.

However; as I’m writing this, I find myself at this current moment alone with three cats in a large house with minimal household supplies, and only a camping chair and an air mattress as my furniture.

Don’t judge, this is not my choice, The Navy has currently decided that it is in my best interests to wait for an undetermined amount of time before I can have my husband and my belongings back.  But, I guess if you really wanted to, you could call me a prodigy of a crazy cat lady.

Anyway, since I am made to live this minimalistic lifestyle, I find entertainment a little scarce. And since I have three cats, what else would I write about. But honestly, I’m only going to focus on one pussy for now.

We call her the Stupid One. There’s is always one in the family. I swear her head is permanently in the clouds, hence the reason why we named her after a cloud. Well it was either that or Bacardi or Smirnoff. (Yes we were drunk when we were picking out cat names, and yes the Bacardi and Smirnoff were helping, but that’s beside the point).

Regardless, her favorite toys are a small foam soccer ball and beer bottle tops. (And yes we found out she likes beer tops while we were drinking). But what I’m trying to get at is, have you ever looked at an animal and thought, “what is going on in that little mind?” and then come to the conclusion that it is beyond their primitive cognitive ability to do anything but walk, talk, eat, sleep, and poop.

So congratulations! You’ve met the Stupid One.

You may be thinking I think all animals don’t have much more capacity in their little brains to do much more than the normal functions of everyday life. But it is the fact that problem solving and pretty much anything else that normal animals do come at a loss to this one. In fact she has so many quirks that make her so odd that I could probably write a book on this strange cat. Take this for example…

She spends a good 30 minutes or more each day just staring at the celling.

Just staring…

And then you get all paranoid because you think she’s stalking a spider, and you look at where she’s looking and there’s nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

And you start thinking what the f*** are you staring at.  And then you yourself start craning your head around, tilting your face this way and that just to justify your cats’ strange behavior.

Now who looks like the idiot?

Another quirk she has is a habit of talking to walls. There she’ll be sitting on the floor staring up at the wall or ceiling, (kinda hard to tell at certain angles) and will continue to intermittently talk to it. She does this right before she takes a leaping jump off of it. The closest thing I can guess is that she’s asking permission to jump off an inanimate object. But she’s stupid, she doesn’t know any better.

Honestly, as far as I can tell it’s all part of cat’s master plan to take over the world. Either that or she can see ghosts. One or the other, take your pick.

Stay tuned for more Stupid One’s Antics…

Kitty fetishes,

Door stopper revenge,

Step tripping,

Whack-a-Mole food eating,

The art of crab walking.

a new tumblr strategy

I just wanted to remind you all that I have a tumblr that, until know, was mostly just pictures I've taken myself along with reposts. I'm sure many of you will be happy to hear I have changed my strategy with tumblr. From now on I will use it as a mini blog for short posts. My first mini blog post is up and located here >> http://aclosetlife.tumblr.com/post/23447327012/a-mini-blog-first-post

Stay tuned for updates. I may or may not cross post or link here in the future. I'm leaning toward keeping them separate as that might get annoying. Enjoy!

that's a lot of people

I'm a bit surprised at how this blog has progressed. Thinking back to a year and a half ago when I started planning this blog, I wanted to write something for me that would help me work through these feelings and figure out how I came to be and where my life was heading. I quickly discovered that many other people are interested in that as well. Now as I approach 61,000 views I am grateful to have had the opportunity to touch many of you and help you through rough times.

You guys rock, all 61,000 of you! Well that's probably not quite right, I like to think there's at least thousands of you out there who check my blog on a weekly basis... It's probably just one guy checking the blog around 100 sum odd times a day, but that's ok!

I've heard from people whose lives I have touched and I am forever grateful. If this was to be my last post, this whole blogging experience would be a fond memory. I know you all would miss me if I left, or at least that one person who keeps refreshing over and over again, but I would miss you too! I'm looking forward to seeing another 60,000 views and hopefully some more comments as well.

So I'm going to go out tonight to watch the Red Sox and I'll raise a drink to all of you awesome people. Thank you for being you, and thank you for stopping by!

a frozen blog, a frozen relationship

It's been exactly 3 months since my last post and let me tell you...not much has been going on. Well that was kind of a lie. Physically not much has been going on, but in my brain...oh it's like a hurricane in there.

As the days and weeks and months drag on I fall deeper and deeper into an emotional pit. I am getting more and more depressed and lonely, but at least I have diapers to keep me company right? I have been wearing a lot more lately which has helped a bit but that leads me to an interesting topic that I never expected to write about. This is a fitting first post in 3 months because it's something I've never seen written about in any blog before. Forgive me if you've written about it, I haven't read every piece of ABDL writing out there, and please link it so I can.

Before my wife left for boot camp we were doing really well, besides the onset of depression from facing a daunting 8 months apart. That's not to say we're doing worse now, just the opposite I believe. This separation has made my love for her grow even stronger. I know she is perfect for me because all I can think about is when I get to talk to her again. All I can think about is how much I want to be with her and share life's great adventures with her again.

I feel like over the past 6 months we haven't grown as a couple; it's almost as if our relationship has been put on hold. Before she left we were really in a good place with our relationship and my fetish. I was getting her to wear more frequently and she was wanting me to as well. Everything from our relationship to our sex life was getting better. Now it feels like it's all been frozen or even set back after these past 6 months.

She may disagree with my next thought but she can tell me later, if she has time to call me. I feel like with the diapers specifically, because this is a diaper blog after all, I have to not quite start over, but I have to...sort of...start over. Hypothetically, if I was moving in with her tomorrow, I would feel rather uncomfortable lounging around in just a diaper, even though it was perfectly acceptable and I was perfectly fine with it before she left. I can see it already, she is going to tell me she is perfectly fine with everything and it all boils down to me not being comfortable with anyone else knowing, which is basically true. I just wish I knew why I wasn't comfortable with it, but I have a feeling I never will. I really feel like I have to test the waters and see what I can and cannot do. It's strange to think like that since we have been together for 6 and a half years, but it's true.

Sometimes I think about where our relationship could be if she hadn't been away for 6 months. I was able to see her for a week at Christmas and she let me tape up a Bambino on her, which was pretty hot! It was also the first time I ever taped a diaper on someone. After taping my own diapers on since I was 6, I still didn't really know what I was doing. It's a whole different ballgame when it's on someone else. But who knows, maybe that could have been a regular occurrence by now if she never left. And let's not forget about her. Maybe in these past 6 months we would have found something new she enjoys and I could indulge her. Reminiscing on the past and imagining the future, or alternate future, is somewhat of a specialty of mine, for better or for worse.

After being away for so long I have to leave you with some good news right? If all the pieces fall right, by July I should be moving out of the cold North East and into the sunny beaches of San Diego! My wife and I put a deposit down on a townhouse just outside downtown and I could be there living with her again as early as mid June! It's so exciting! I'm stressing a bit over just how much I have to do before then, but it's all worth it to live with her again!

So I may have been a bit too depressed to continue my blog over the past few months but I will try extra hard to work on it now. Until next time!

who i am

The past few months have been very trying for me and my marriage. I knew it was going to be hard living without my wife for months at a time but I never imagined just how difficult it would be. But I'm not here to write about how depressed I am, I'm here to write about a different subject entirely. This post was brought about by some soul searching and conversations I have had over the past few months.

Being alone every night has given me the opportunity to examine who I am and come to some conclusions about myself and where I fit into the world. One thing I want to do is take a step away from the labels society bestows upon us. My main screen name for the time being is ClosetDL which of course says "Look at me I'm a DL!" but this needs to change. As I grew up I was desperately looking for a name, a name for what I was and for what the feelings I had were. I was so happy to discover the words teen baby, diaper lover, and adult baby and I finally felt like I belonged to something.

As I grew up I expanded my understanding of each term and applied one that closely resembled myself. The term diaper lover stuck and still is what I go by today, but it's not 100% me. I'm not saying I'll just up and stop calling myself a DL, but I would like to clarify my DLness.

Sure I like diapers, but I don't love them. Love is a very serious word for me. My wife still pokes fun at me for how long it took me to tell her I loved her. I love my wife and I love my parents and sister, but I definitely don't share the same love for diapers. They are a lot of things to me including both a method of relaxation and sexual stimulant. They both turn me on and make me feel at ease after a long day.

I also like to watch cartoons. I love how they brought back the 90's Nickelodeon cartoons and I DVR quite a few of them, especially Rugrats. I also enjoyed the 2006 Curious George movie and subsequent cartoon, and of course the Pixar movies are amazing!

That being said, I don't have a little side. I don't want to sit around sucking a bottle or a pacifier, not that that alone defines a little. Being talked down to as if I was a baby/child is also not appealing to me at all. I have no problem with people who enjoy that of course. Everyone has their own thing and I'll be the last one to call people out for being a little different than me.

When it comes to describing who I am to people I tend to say I'm a DL with a slight AB side. I only include a slight AB side in that description because it explains to me why I enjoy watching cartoons and, it's debatable whether or not Pixar movies are kids movies, but I can't get enough of them either!

What this all comes down to is people's perception of what a DL or an AB should be. If I say I have an AB side you would immediately jump to the conclusion about what I like/don't like and you may be wrong. Since my definition of an AB or DL is different than yours How can I confidently say I'm either?