Monday, January 23, 2012

who i am

The past few months have been very trying for me and my marriage. I knew it was going to be hard living without my wife for months at a time but I never imagined just how difficult it would be. But I'm not here to write about how depressed I am, I'm here to write about a different subject entirely. This post was brought about by some soul searching and conversations I have had over the past few months.

Being alone every night has given me the opportunity to examine who I am and come to some conclusions about myself and where I fit into the world. One thing I want to do is take a step away from the labels society bestows upon us. My main screen name for the time being is ClosetDL which of course says "Look at me I'm a DL!" but this needs to change. As I grew up I was desperately looking for a name, a name for what I was and for what the feelings I had were. I was so happy to discover the words teen baby, diaper lover, and adult baby and I finally felt like I belonged to something.

As I grew up I expanded my understanding of each term and applied one that closely resembled myself. The term diaper lover stuck and still is what I go by today, but it's not 100% me. I'm not saying I'll just up and stop calling myself a DL, but I would like to clarify my DLness.

Sure I like diapers, but I don't love them. Love is a very serious word for me. My wife still pokes fun at me for how long it took me to tell her I loved her. I love my wife and I love my parents and sister, but I definitely don't share the same love for diapers. They are a lot of things to me including both a method of relaxation and sexual stimulant. They both turn me on and make me feel at ease after a long day.

I also like to watch cartoons. I love how they brought back the 90's Nickelodeon cartoons and I DVR quite a few of them, especially Rugrats. I also enjoyed the 2006 Curious George movie and subsequent cartoon, and of course the Pixar movies are amazing!

That being said, I don't have a little side. I don't want to sit around sucking a bottle or a pacifier, not that that alone defines a little. Being talked down to as if I was a baby/child is also not appealing to me at all. I have no problem with people who enjoy that of course. Everyone has their own thing and I'll be the last one to call people out for being a little different than me.

When it comes to describing who I am to people I tend to say I'm a DL with a slight AB side. I only include a slight AB side in that description because it explains to me why I enjoy watching cartoons and, it's debatable whether or not Pixar movies are kids movies, but I can't get enough of them either!

What this all comes down to is people's perception of what a DL or an AB should be. If I say I have an AB side you would immediately jump to the conclusion about what I like/don't like and you may be wrong. Since my definition of an AB or DL is different than yours How can I confidently say I'm either?


  1. Dude i completely agree labels only confine and restrict the true complexity of who we are. Saying you like something does not mean that you are that something and that that is only what and who you are.

  2. Haven't heard from you in over 2 months. Just wanted to say that I hope all is well and that things are working out for you and your family.

  3. Thanks Michael. It's been a crazy couple months but I am planning on an update soon.

  4. That's cute, actually. But very deep.
    I used to look for a label too. But I quitted looking for one. It was about my sexuality as well. I know what I like, my tastes are clear to me. But they don't fit anywhere. So I stopped trying to figure out my "name" and, instead, live the contents of this "name". A label isn't all that important and, something that you probably already know, it's only pursuited by those who feel alone and confused. Once they discover that a label does little to nothing to approach you to people (sometimes approaching you to the wrong people), you figure out that it's better to be yourself, instead of being a group.
    Not saying to live all alone either, but looking for labels and steriotypes proves itself to be silly.