me v social media

I have a love hate relationship with social media, which may be obvious by the title, or my previous rants about it. Now when I say love, I mean 'kinda like' on a good day. There's no warm fuzzy feelings with social media. Not anymore at least.

The first time I was thrust into this world I was astounded. Years before I had found out I wasn't alone, but that was just on forums and chat rooms. Remember chat rooms? Maybe I'm just getting old and my viewpoint is changing, but they aren't the same as they used to be. Neither are abdl forums for that matter, but I digress.

I fell in love with twitter and facebook when I first joined. I actually couldn't wait to join facebook. I was part of the group who, in high school, were dying to get on facebook but couldn't because it was college only. Then I finally got to college and joined 'thefacebook' and I was so excited! I created a group for the college film club I started and actually enjoyed conversing with people. Before I left college, however, it was opened to high school as well, and soon after I was out, it opened up to everyone. I remember it being better when It was college only, but I can't say if it was actually any better. 

I have gotten fed up with and deleted my facebook account 3 times over the years. I either found no real use for it, or thought of it as nothing but trouble. In fact, I still think of it as almost nothing but trouble. I never post anything to it that isn't a picture of video of my daughter, which I also have slight reservations about. But If I didn't have her, I would probably never use it, and possibly delete it again. Although, living 2600 miles from home, it does make it easier to keep in touch with family. That being said, one main reason for my distaste of facebook stems from my family.

My family is uber religious, and I am not. Unfortunately, my mother still wants me to be uber religious, and my large extended uber religious family isn't helping things. They hounded me for not baptizing my first daughter, and I'm expecting the same reaction with my second. My mother frequently posts religious things to my timeline, which I can only assume is a piss poor way to guilt me back into the faith. For example, she posted a picture of the saint I chose at my confirmation and told me to remember that I chose him... She wrote other things, but I stopped reading.

When it comes to twitter, I actually have 3 accounts. I have 2 vanilla accounts and 1 abdl account. I still don't really know if I like it. There's days when I get lost in my timeline for hours, and I just want to spend all day talking with people. Then there's days when I log in, see a bunch of diaper or furry related posts and just turn it off. The more I think about it, the more it hearkens back to the old binge and purge cycle that we all know too well.

Those times when I open twitter, see all that abdl friendly content, and close it immediately, I'm actually getting a little disgusted with myself. Yes I still feel like this; I think I'll always feel like this. It's crazy how I can go from craving diaper time to thinking it's disgusting in the same day. I've gotten a lot better over the years, and having a wife who indulges me is a major help. I love it when she tells me to pad up, or lays me down on the bed and does it for me. But I'm way off topic.

I'll have to stop this here, but I have so much more to say! I'll write a follow up article in the near future which will include some stuff I haven't talked to anyone about before. Until then! 

happy halloween

Just saying a quick Happy Halloween to all my followers!

I remember years and years ago, when I was writing my LONG story A Closet Life on Daily Diapers, I actually did a marathon writing week right before Halloween. I wrote and published a new chapter every day until Halloween. Man that was a lot of writing, but it was a lot of fun too!

I continued writing that story for awhile after, until it came to a decent conclusion. I say 'decent' because I ended it on a cliffhanger. I wanted to continue writing the story, but I hit major writers block and it just got away from me. I've considered continuing it here in the past, but I don't feel it would be appropriate. Although, now that I'm writing this, I have a good idea how to bring it back...

Anyway, I'm writing a long post about social media right now that you can expect to see early next week. So, until then, have a happy and safe Halloween!

la for the day

My best friend just flew home after spending about a week with us. This is the friend who I told all about my abdl side a few years ago, so it's always interesting spending time with him since we always end up talking and joking about diapers. I haven't been able to make it to a munch out here, so I'm not able to interact with any other abdls, or even with anyone else, besides my wife, who knows about this side of me. I do miss the Boston ABDL Munch people, but I just don't have time to do it anymore. It's refreshing to discuss it, or joke about it, openly with him when he comes to visit.

While he was here we decided to take a day trip to Los Angeles to play tourist. Unfortunately for us, we went on one of the warmest possible days. So we're driving around all day in 100+ degrees in my 7 year old car whose AC just couldn't overcome the outside temps. We arrived in LA with a few destinations in mind and were able to hit all but 1.

We started off at the Griffith Observatory. I read that this is the best place to see the Hollywood sign since they cut off access to it from all other ways. Unfortunately we weren't able to see the shows in the observatory because we had our 1 year old with us and they don't allow anyone under 5. The observatory was pretty cool though, and the view of the Hollywood sign and the city skyline were pretty awesome.

After leaving the observatory we headed over toward the La brea Tar Pits. Let me tell you, that was a LONG drive through the city, and not the nice parts of the city. The tar pits, which aren't actually pits, and not even full of tar, were really cool. The museum was in need of an update, but it was interesting to walk the grounds and stumble upon some little pools of bubbling asphalt. The best part was watching my daughter laugh and repeat "kitty" over and over again while a person in a large saber tooth tiger costume was walking around during a show. My daughter loves our 3 cats, and that was one of her first words.

We then stopped for lunch at a place on Sunset Boulevard called Bossa Nova. It's a very good Brazilian restaurant in a not very good area. In fact, aside from immediately around the La Brea Tar Pits and the drive up the mountain to the Griffith Observatory, LA was a rather nasty place. Even the final touristy place we went to, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, was very dirty, busy, and severely underwhelming. 

I still kind of want to see the Santa Monica Pier, Venice Beach and Disneyland, but that will have to wait for another time. We actually had Universal Studios annual passes last year, since we love Universal so much, so we've been there.

Final thoughts: Los Angeles was very underwhelming and did not live up to the hype. I haven't seen it all, but after this trip, I don't know if I even care to.

peeing in the shower to become incontinent

Step 1: Pee in the shower

Step 2: ...

Step 3: Become incontinent!!!



No, this post is not about peeing in the shower.


Well maybe it is, a little bit, but not really.


The title of this article comes from the old teen forums on DPF (Diaper Pail Friends) so many years ago. I found DPF when I was kid and spent so many nights of my childhood browsing it's pages, praying my parents didn't open the door. Since I was just 13 when I found DPF, I frequented the teen baby forum. While I am grateful that DPF did separate the adult and teen forums, I think it made for an interesting situation.

The teen forum was filled with liked minded people who were in the same situation I was. So many of us were there for answers. We had been experiencing these new feelings inside us and found diapers and/or ageplay helped us to cope with the world. Of course, since everyone was in the same boat, no one had any real answers.

We were all there asking our questions and giving our opinion on what *insert random username* was going through. Sometimes it was something you were experiencing and could interject stories of your own experiences and "share a moment". Sometimes it was a way more adult question that needed a good answer, not just an opinion from someone in your age group.

Venturing into the adult forum looking for answers was an entirely different experience. It was somehow more real. Gone was the sugar coated playpen with cotton candy pillows and plushies galore. Say hello to real life. The adult forum was plagued by spam and down right nasty comments from non abdl friendly people. To be fair, I didn't delve into the adult forum until the early 2000's, so if it was once a nice place, please let me know so I can change my mind on it.

There was a great website brewing back then that answers many of the questions that I had. If only I knew about it! In 1998 Scarleteen was formed and has grown into an amazing place for upfront answers to your questions. They actually boast roughly 750,000 visitors per month, with most being between 15 and 25. It is also the highest ranking website for sexual education and sexual advice, and has been most of it's existence. If you have questions about sex or sexuality I encourage you to go check Scarleteen out. Also, as always, if you are under the age of 18, please seek out that site now and come back when you're 18. Thanks!


Back to the topic at hand.


I remember a specific topic from the teen forum on DPF that was, for some strange reason, stuck at the top of the forum for a very long time. It must have been a constant repost because it never had many responses. I felt like it was posted and taken down and reposted over and over again. It also seemed to spawn many other topics of the same nature. This, of course, was the innocent and immature question of "Will peeing in the shower help me become incontinent?" Of course that's a silly question. But it harkens back to a simpler time in my life.

I'm a pretty nostalgic person. Sometimes I miss being young and ignorant. I miss those days when all I knew was wearing or even just thinking about a diaper turned me on. Back when I thought maybe if you peed in the shower you could start to lose your bladder control. I felt like everyone wanted to be incontinent back then. There were so many topics about what to do, and regular progress reports.

I know many of you have gone incontinent by choice, and, while it's not for me, I applaud your determination.

But we all have to grow up some time. Eventually you will find the answers to your questions and you will find yourself. At some point you will even realize that peeing in the shower won't make you incontinent no matter how much you try. It does save water though.

new icon update

Just finished drawing a new icon for myself. I'm so happy with how it turned out!

You can see my new icon down below, and soon on all of my social networks.

Speaking of which...

Come follow me on twitter! 

I'm also on fetlife!

Here is my tumblr blog!

I'm dl_dex on kik if you are so inclined for a chat.


On to the new icon!

a soggy diaper conversation

Well, not days after I wrote the previous 2 diapered camp fire posts, this happened.

My wife escaped the living room for a minute quickly as we were watching youtube. I yelled to her asking if she wanted me to pause the show, but there was no answer. After a couple minutes she emerged moving quickly in my direction. She was now sans her pants, and plus one diaper. I don't even remember the last time she wore one. And it's been over a year since she put on on herself.

Needless to say, she had other things on her mind. And now that she was on top of me in that diaper, I had certain things on my mind too.

We made out on the couch for a couple minutes before moving quickly to the living room. But what was said on the way is the reason I wrote this post. She stopped before we got to the hallway and said, "You can wet your diapers around me you know, I don't care."

That was probably the last thing I ever expected to hear from her. "Oh yeah?" was all I could manage.

She quickly replied, "It was little weird for me at first, but I don't care anymore."

That statement basically sums up her entire experience with this side of me. It came as a total shock to her, and she struggled, to say the least, to come to grips with it. As time has moved on, she has accepted me for who I am. A feat to which I can never be too grateful.

You know, this isn't even about wetting a diaper. I don't want anyone to think I am just being selfish here. I am perfectly happy with the way things are or were. I never even brought up the fact after that first night. In fact, even after this conversation, I still don't usually do it anyway. 

I am forever grateful for her continued acceptance, but I'm not here to push this lifestyle on her. If she wants to do something or push something further, that's her call, and I like it that way. 

new depends ad with pictures

One of my twitter friends pointed me toward a new ad campaign from one of the staples in adult incontinence products, and it caught me by surprise.

Depend underwear has launched an ad campaign titled "Drop Your Pants For Underwearness" They are joining forces with the band Capital Cities, to host a free dance party in New York City on August 6. You can even RSVP on the Depend website for a chance to meet the band!

I love that Depend is hooking up with a major band to promote this new campaign. I know a lot of us in the ABDL wold are hear for fun and personal enjoyment, but that's not the case for a large number of us. Some of them found the ABDL world due to existing conditions that forced them into diapers, and they found us to be a welcoming and accepting part of society. And, of course, there is an even larger part of society who needs protection and doesn't know about or isn't interested in the ABDL world. According to the Depend website, there are about 65 million Americans living with bladder leakage, and 12 million of those people are under the age of 35.

It makes you wonder how many ABDLs exist in America, or the world...

Back to the topic at hand. Along with this concert promotion, they will also be donating money to charity. I looked through their donation terms and conditions and pulled out the important information for you. 

Depend brand will donate $1 for:

• Every pant drop, photo and video shared and tweet tagged using #Underwareness and #DropYourPants
• Every personal video made about what Underwareness means to you that is uploaded to YouTube and tagged #Underwareness and #DropYourPants.

They will donate up to $1 million each year for a total of $3 million. All of this money will go to United Way Worldwide and The Simon Foundation for Continence. They will, however, ensure that the maximum donation is achieved so the previously mentioned charities will receive the maximum $3 million per year.

I have to admit, the main reason I was inspired to write this article was their promotional campaign. It features many different people, solo and in groups, and young and old, wearing diapers. I'll add a few screen shots below, but I urge you to visit their website. There's a lot more to see.

So check it out and let me know your thoughts! I would definitely go if I lived in New York City. It would be interesting to see how many, if any, ABDLs go pantsless. I'm sure there will be a few non-abdl guys in diapers walking around as a joke.

a second diapered camp fire

Before you read continue, I'd suggest reading the previous post, a diapered camp fire. This will be an extension of that post.

So we had another fire outside the other day. We were toasting marshmallows and making s'mores, and I had a couple beers. It was a good time with much relaxing.

Inevitably, if you have anything to drink, you'll have to make a trip to the bathroom. Since I wasn't diapered, I stood up and said "I have to pee, I'll be back."

My wife looked up at me, smiled, and said "Why don't you go put a diaper on, I know you want to."

Now, she has told me to diaper up many times in the past. She frequently does it in the bedroom, and she has walked out into the living room holding a diaper and powder exclaiming "Strip!" This was different. She has never told me to put a diaper on instead of going to use the bathroom.

Of course I complied with her suggestion. She never said anything about it for the rest of the night, and I never brought it up again. I was only slightly wet by bedtime so I changed before my shower the next morning.

a diapered camp fire

Well I had a very interesting 4th of July with the wife. We had planned on taking our daughter out to see the fireworks downtown, but decided to be lazy and stay in. It would have been hours past her bedtime anyway, so we felt it easier to stay home, have a fire out back, and enjoy each others company. Turns out you can just see the fireworks from our house!

Anyway, I hadn't been diapered all day, so while my wife was lighting the fire, I went inside and diapered up. I came back out with all the essentials for an evening of campfire fun. We had marshmallows, gram crackers, chocolate bars, poking sticks, and beer. We talked about all sorts of things during the night and, after a couple beers, I had to pee.

Now when I told my wife about my diaper fetish years ago, she clearly said she didn't want me to use a diaper around her, and she didn't want to see used diapers in the house. That was fine by me because I enjoyed just lounging around in a clean diaper anyway. I still would occasionally wet when she wasn't home though, which was fine with me.

Just about that time, my wife said she had to pee and was going inside, I said I had to as well, but I was in the middle of making a s'more so couldn't go in. When she came back I stood up and said "Well I guess I have to do the same."

My wife looked at me and said, "Well, you're wearing one of your thingies so..."

There was a brief pause. "I am aren't I." I replied, and sat back down.

My mind was racing at this point. She has joked about me wetting, or my diaper being full, in the past, but she has never told me to wet it. I started imagining what would happen next. Would she bring it up again? Would she notice my wet diaper waddle? Would she smack my butt as I walked by her later (she frequently does that), feel the dampness and comment on it? Would she offer to change me later?

I had so many questions, and my diaper was slowly growing heavier.

By the end of the night I was significantly wet, but not very tired. She was tired, and was going to bed. I spoke up saying, "Yeah I need to get changed, so I'll follow you in." She said nothing in reply.

She climbed into bed and I kissed her good night. I grabbed a new diaper and baby powder from the closet on my way out. I changed on the couch that night, but I still count it as a win in my book.

new bambino diapers review

The new Bambino diapers are finally here! I have to admit, I was sweating it out for a bit there. Now that I have a toddler, I don't get time to wear as often as I'd like, but I was down to my last 3 Bambino Biancos when they announced they would be shipping around July 4th. I placed my order within hours of the update and received my case of new Biancos last week. Over the weekend I was able to do a side by side comparison between the previous design, from August 2013, and the most recent design, shipping July 2014. 

plastic

My first impressions of the diapers are quite good. The most significant change I felt was the plastic backing. They went with a less crinkly and less stiff plastic for the outer shell of the diaper. They are still by no means quiet, but they are significantly softer and much less crinkly (and more stealthy) then previous versions.

I love this new style for one very good reason. With the previous version, the bottom tapes would pull and the plastic backing causing it to bunch up and eventually start cutting into my skin. I never bled over it, but it could get extremely uncomfortable with prolonged wearing, unless I fiddled with the tapes.

The tapes seemed a bit more sticky as well, I almost ripped one in half trying to take it off. They do still have the plastic tape landing zone as well.

The Bianco, at least, did feel a tiny bit smaller than before. It still fit well, but it was ever so slightly smaller (roughly half an inch smaller length wise).

new core

I wore for a few hours before wetting that night, wore overnight, then practically flooded it in the morning before changing. I never had one hint of a leak during this ordeal. Their website mentions a newly redesigned core, which feels a bit softer to the touch. The new design does in fact disperse liquid more efficiently, as they claim. I could see the discoloration riding up the back much more than with previous designs. In the past it would just pool at the bottom and eventually leak more often than not.

I didn't notice any bunching up of the innards, but I would like another long diapered session without wetting to see for myself.

conclusion

Overall, this is an excellent improvement! The tapes are a little bit better, the new softer, quieter plastic backing is a welcome change, and the core has been improved.

The best thing I can say about the new design is, I'm a bit sad that I still have to use up my remaining stash of the old design.

update 7/15/14

I wore one last night for a few hours before bed, then all through the night. I didn't actually use it though, to test how it handled prolonged dry conditions. It did surprisingly well! There was significantly less bunching of the core compared to previous versions, as they claim on their website. There was also no tearing of the core either, also as they claim to have fixed.

I did notice one thing I was very surprised about though. I told you above that the new plastic is rather quiet, and soft to the touch. What hit me this morning, as I got out of bed, was just how quiet it became over night. It was almost completely silent this morning after I got up and walked around for a bit. This seemed to only happen with a dry diaper after being worn for a long time, as the wet one I tried first didn't get much quieter over night.

This may be a negative to a lot of people, but I didn't mind. I almost couldn't believe it was true. I moved around and stretched a lot trying to make it crinkle, and it was amazingly quiet. 

a quick rant followed by new bambinos

Well I'm still trying to get aclosetlife.com back. I feel bad that it's been gone this long and I feel like I've lot a ton of readers because all the sites I'm registered with have my now unusable .com address. I know when I was searching for blogs to read, when I clicked on a link and it was invalid, I moved on. And I can't seem to find any help online. I'm not even registered with the site that holds my URL, and I'm not registered with the google admin panel, which I apparently had to be to get the URL in the first place. I can't access the admin help page without logging in, which is my problem in the first place, and I can't find anything close to my issue on the google help pages...

Sorry for the rant. I'm not the happiest person about this issue.


In other news

My new Bambinos arrived yesterday! Just in time too, I only have 3 of my last case left. I should be able to try them out this weekend and let you all know how the newly redesigned core is in comparison to the previous one. Their website says the new design "increases the dispersion of urine while maximizing the function of the diaper greatly enhances its comfort." I'm also looking forward to the increased resistance of the core from tearing or bunching, both of which happen to me every time I wear them. Of course that would be because I don't often wet them. In fact I usually don't since my wife isn't too keen on the idea.

That brings me to a very interesting development on the subject of wetting my diapers in front of my wife. But, I'll leave that for a future update... DUN DUN DUN

strangest dream

I had the strangest dream last night. It involved: hanging out with Lindsey Lohan like we were best friends and she wasn't crazy or a drug adict, grocery shopping, some labyrinth of a seedy motel where my groceries were slowly being stolen by care bears in diapers, 2 really dumb security guards who were just getting in the way of me recovering my stolen groceries, pushing my slowly emptying carriage of groceries (due to the baby care bears) around the inside and outside of said seedy motel, the security guards finally learning a heartfelt and meaningful lesson, and me trying to push my nearly empty grocery carriage to the airport to go to Hawaii.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. I'm also still not clear on where it even takes place. I think it was on Hawaii but, at the end, I think I was trying to get to Hawaii. There was also a tearful ending with the security guards learning some type of lesson and me missing my honeymoon in Hawaii.

I was even best friends with Lindsey Lohan... WTF?

I was also getting diapered at one point, until my brain went "wait, you're not diapered in real life" then I looked down and the diaper disappeared.

I swear I wasn't on anything when I went to bed.

time

So today marks day one of my biggest project of the year. I've spend months preparing for this and it's finally time to start...

Generating peak files...

We'll since it'll be doing that forever...

How have things been blogger world?

I've been quite busy lately and, have hit a couple milestones recently. I had a two-fer this month as I became the father of a one year old and, I turned 30 at the same time! Go me!

You know, I don't feel any older. Of course I've been saying that for every birthday since I was little, but I really thought I would feel differently this time. This seems like more of a milestone than previous ones I've experienced. I'm no longer a 20 something DL, as it says on a good portion of my ABDL website profiles.

That's funny about the passage of time; time never stops. Time will continue to pass no matter what happens. You will continue to get older and, there's nothing you can do about it.

That sounded more ominous than I wanted it to. This isn't something to be feared. It's something to be embraced. You won't get out of this life alive so, make the most of your time.

the week in review

Well that was one fun week...

Ever since I got back from vacation, it's been balls to the walls! I haven't had time to think much, let alone finish my work. For example, I spent the past couple days running around the city taking pictures of one event for future sales use, then running over to a hotel to shoot a sales related video. This video was to win over a client who was potentially taking their business else wear.

Now, don't get me wrong, this video was a good idea and I wish them all the best, but seriously, it was a cluster and a half. I walked over there with all my gear and no plan, which was strike one. When I arrive I'm handed a piece of paper with a time frame and locations for the film shoot. Now reading this paper confuses me because it gives me about 5 minutes at each location, which was strike 2. Now any filmmakers out there will be able to tell you that it takes more than 5 minutes to set up, test and rehearse something that you know nothing about ahead of time.

Man I with my keyboard had light up keys...

So yeah, that was a fun time.

In all seriousness, I did enjoy myself. I got to work with a former coworker that I hadn't seen in a couple months, although he still hasn't returned my gear... It was good to be away from my desk and doing location shoots. I have spent way too much time in the hotel lately.

We have a new employee from Vegas though, who is a fellow photographer. It's nice to have someone to talk to about all of this crazyness for once.

Side note: My first tweet ever was "checking out this crazyness..." was my first ever tweet from more than 4 and a half years ago. 

So my new coworker is helping me organize and shoot some food amenities next week which should be cool. It's especially helpful because I know nothing about shooting food except that I don't want to do it. I've heard from a few people that it's a pain in the ass, so I'm so glad he is here to help me.

This was one of those weeks where it was one step forward and 3 steps back. I feel bad that I didn't get to a couple projects, but there just wasn't enough time in the week. I had to say no to one of the sales guys 3 times on a project because I just didn't have time. I'll have to dedicate time to him on Monday, if I can spare it...

So how are you all doing as February 2014 rears it's head? Let me know below and I'll post responses as I get them.