Monday, January 23, 2012

who i am

The past few months have been very trying for me and my marriage. I knew it was going to be hard living without my wife for months at a time but I never imagined just how difficult it would be. But I'm not here to write about how depressed I am, I'm here to write about a different subject entirely. This post was brought about by some soul searching and conversations I have had over the past few months.

Being alone every night has given me the opportunity to examine who I am and come to some conclusions about myself and where I fit into the world. One thing I want to do is take a step away from the labels society bestows upon us. My main screen name for the time being is ClosetDL which of course says "Look at me I'm a DL!" but this needs to change. As I grew up I was desperately looking for a name, a name for what I was and for what the feelings I had were. I was so happy to discover the words teen baby, diaper lover, and adult baby and I finally felt like I belonged to something.

As I grew up I expanded my understanding of each term and applied one that closely resembled myself. The term diaper lover stuck and still is what I go by today, but it's not 100% me. I'm not saying I'll just up and stop calling myself a DL, but I would like to clarify my DLness.

Sure I like diapers, but I don't love them. Love is a very serious word for me. My wife still pokes fun at me for how long it took me to tell her I loved her. I love my wife and I love my parents and sister, but I definitely don't share the same love for diapers. They are a lot of things to me including both a method of relaxation and sexual stimulant. They both turn me on and make me feel at ease after a long day.

I also like to watch cartoons. I love how they brought back the 90's Nickelodeon cartoons and I DVR quite a few of them, especially Rugrats. I also enjoyed the 2006 Curious George movie and subsequent cartoon, and of course the Pixar movies are amazing!

That being said, I don't have a little side. I don't want to sit around sucking a bottle or a pacifier, not that that alone defines a little. Being talked down to as if I was a baby/child is also not appealing to me at all. I have no problem with people who enjoy that of course. Everyone has their own thing and I'll be the last one to call people out for being a little different than me.

When it comes to describing who I am to people I tend to say I'm a DL with a slight AB side. I only include a slight AB side in that description because it explains to me why I enjoy watching cartoons and, it's debatable whether or not Pixar movies are kids movies, but I can't get enough of them either!

What this all comes down to is people's perception of what a DL or an AB should be. If I say I have an AB side you would immediately jump to the conclusion about what I like/don't like and you may be wrong. Since my definition of an AB or DL is different than yours How can I confidently say I'm either?