Monday, April 23, 2012

a frozen blog, a frozen relationship

It's been exactly 3 months since my last post and let me tell you...not much has been going on. Well that was kind of a lie. Physically not much has been going on, but in my brain...oh it's like a hurricane in there.

As the days and weeks and months drag on I fall deeper and deeper into an emotional pit. I am getting more and more depressed and lonely, but at least I have diapers to keep me company right? I have been wearing a lot more lately which has helped a bit but that leads me to an interesting topic that I never expected to write about. This is a fitting first post in 3 months because it's something I've never seen written about in any blog before. Forgive me if you've written about it, I haven't read every piece of ABDL writing out there, and please link it so I can.

Before my wife left for boot camp we were doing really well, besides the onset of depression from facing a daunting 8 months apart. That's not to say we're doing worse now, just the opposite I believe. This separation has made my love for her grow even stronger. I know she is perfect for me because all I can think about is when I get to talk to her again. All I can think about is how much I want to be with her and share life's great adventures with her again.

I feel like over the past 6 months we haven't grown as a couple; it's almost as if our relationship has been put on hold. Before she left we were really in a good place with our relationship and my fetish. I was getting her to wear more frequently and she was wanting me to as well. Everything from our relationship to our sex life was getting better. Now it feels like it's all been frozen or even set back after these past 6 months.

She may disagree with my next thought but she can tell me later, if she has time to call me. I feel like with the diapers specifically, because this is a diaper blog after all, I have to not quite start over, but I have to...sort of...start over. Hypothetically, if I was moving in with her tomorrow, I would feel rather uncomfortable lounging around in just a diaper, even though it was perfectly acceptable and I was perfectly fine with it before she left. I can see it already, she is going to tell me she is perfectly fine with everything and it all boils down to me not being comfortable with anyone else knowing, which is basically true. I just wish I knew why I wasn't comfortable with it, but I have a feeling I never will. I really feel like I have to test the waters and see what I can and cannot do. It's strange to think like that since we have been together for 6 and a half years, but it's true.

Sometimes I think about where our relationship could be if she hadn't been away for 6 months. I was able to see her for a week at Christmas and she let me tape up a Bambino on her, which was pretty hot! It was also the first time I ever taped a diaper on someone. After taping my own diapers on since I was 6, I still didn't really know what I was doing. It's a whole different ballgame when it's on someone else. But who knows, maybe that could have been a regular occurrence by now if she never left. And let's not forget about her. Maybe in these past 6 months we would have found something new she enjoys and I could indulge her. Reminiscing on the past and imagining the future, or alternate future, is somewhat of a specialty of mine, for better or for worse.

After being away for so long I have to leave you with some good news right? If all the pieces fall right, by July I should be moving out of the cold North East and into the sunny beaches of San Diego! My wife and I put a deposit down on a townhouse just outside downtown and I could be there living with her again as early as mid June! It's so exciting! I'm stressing a bit over just how much I have to do before then, but it's all worth it to live with her again!

So I may have been a bit too depressed to continue my blog over the past few months but I will try extra hard to work on it now. Until next time!

2 comments:

  1. First, I have a close friend who has been desperately trying to get me to move to San Diego. How funny would it be if both of us wound up there?

    On to the next point. As someone who has diapered several members of the military, both ABDLs and non-ABDLs (I think you know the story), I think I *might* know where your discomfort and insecurity lie. The military stands for everything that is 'tough'. It's a very adult job. There is nothing 'soft' about it... it's gritty, macho, and sometimes dangerous. Even boot camp. But ABDL stands for exactly the opposite. It's soft... childish... and SAFE. Two totally different opposite ends of the spectrum in so many ways. Maybe you are concerned that your wife won't be able to get back into that headspace... maybe you are even concerned that she may secretly belittle you, inwardly, for heading in the soft/little direction while she's gone opposite.

    The one thing I will say, with each military member I've diapered... every single one of them got real enjoyment out of being able to completely abandon their tough/grown/military soldier persona in favor of the toddler one. So I'm hoping you are worried about nothing, as you suspect... we'll see.

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  2. Well thank you Cwis for your response. What's funny about this whole thing is that my wife will just tell me she is fine with it and it's me that had the problem. She will be right of course, but it's hard for me to believe that things will just snap back to normal when i move in with her again. I don't have too much longer to ponder this though do that's good.

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