Thursday, May 31, 2012

guest post: cirrus

So last night I was minding my own business fast asleep when all of a sudden I was rudely awoken by...well I have no idea what it was but it was like 12:30am and I still had 4 hours of potential sleep left so I wasn't exactly happy. Anyway, I decided to check my phone and found the following attached to an email from my wife. She wanted me to post this as a blog post and, after reading it, I loved it and I couldn't wait to share it with all of you. Enjoy the first guest post from my wife and our, Cirrus! It's pronounced like the type of cloud, not like Miley Cyrus.

I have three cats. One may think that is way too many cats for one household, and that my future self is destined to be a crazy cat woman, but I do not plan for these events to take place.

However; as I’m writing this, I find myself at this current moment alone with three cats in a large house with minimal household supplies, and only a camping chair and an air mattress as my furniture.

Don’t judge, this is not my choice, The Navy has currently decided that it is in my best interests to wait for an undetermined amount of time before I can have my husband and my belongings back.  But, I guess if you really wanted to, you could call me a prodigy of a crazy cat lady.

Anyway, since I am made to live this minimalistic lifestyle, I find entertainment a little scarce. And since I have three cats, what else would I write about. But honestly, I’m only going to focus on one pussy for now.

We call her the Stupid One. There’s is always one in the family. I swear her head is permanently in the clouds, hence the reason why we named her after a cloud. Well it was either that or Bacardi or Smirnoff. (Yes we were drunk when we were picking out cat names, and yes the Bacardi and Smirnoff were helping, but that’s beside the point).

Regardless, her favorite toys are a small foam soccer ball and beer bottle tops. (And yes we found out she likes beer tops while we were drinking). But what I’m trying to get at is, have you ever looked at an animal and thought, “what is going on in that little mind?” and then come to the conclusion that it is beyond their primitive cognitive ability to do anything but walk, talk, eat, sleep, and poop.

So congratulations! You’ve met the Stupid One.

You may be thinking I think all animals don’t have much more capacity in their little brains to do much more than the normal functions of everyday life. But it is the fact that problem solving and pretty much anything else that normal animals do come at a loss to this one. In fact she has so many quirks that make her so odd that I could probably write a book on this strange cat. Take this for example…

She spends a good 30 minutes or more each day just staring at the celling.

Just staring…

And then you get all paranoid because you think she’s stalking a spider, and you look at where she’s looking and there’s nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

And you start thinking what the f*** are you staring at.  And then you yourself start craning your head around, tilting your face this way and that just to justify your cats’ strange behavior.

Now who looks like the idiot?

Another quirk she has is a habit of talking to walls. There she’ll be sitting on the floor staring up at the wall or ceiling, (kinda hard to tell at certain angles) and will continue to intermittently talk to it. She does this right before she takes a leaping jump off of it. The closest thing I can guess is that she’s asking permission to jump off an inanimate object. But she’s stupid, she doesn’t know any better.

Honestly, as far as I can tell it’s all part of cat’s master plan to take over the world. Either that or she can see ghosts. One or the other, take your pick.

Stay tuned for more Stupid One’s Antics…
Kitty fetishes,
Door stopper revenge,
Step tripping,
Whack-a-Mole food eating,
The art of crab walking.

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