Monday, September 12, 2011

perception of self

After what ended up being an extremely busy 6 days off due to my mother-in-law begin in town, which I will be writing about in the near future, I capped off the vacation with recording another episode of the Big Little Podcast. When I first heard about the title I was excited to be a part of another major episode, after the great diaper show. The best thing about the podcast in general is that even if I know nothing about the subject, I can still get into it. I find it fascinating learning about new aspects of this expansive fetish and hearing stories from people I wouldn’t have heard otherwise.

During the taping the other night there was one topic that I wish we could have discussed further. It as the topic of your perception as a man and an ageplayer. Can you feel manly and babyish at the same time? The topic eventually moved on but I want to stay with this for a minute.  I have never seen myself as very manly. I am not your stereotypical man who loves sports and can rattle off stats and discuss the previous night’s games on a whim. Up until recently I wouldn’t even enjoy a beer with the guys, I would have rather had a margarita and I have always gotten along better with women anyway.

Now I still do love that frozen concoction that helps me hang on, and it’s not to say that drinking beer makes you more or less manly, but the stereotypical man drinking beer and watching sports with the guys was never me. I have recently, however, developed a taste for beer after discovering that it all doesn’t have to taste the same. And though I do watch baseball occasionally, which is on almost every night for you non-Americans, I still don’t just sit around every Sunday to watch football (American football).

Now the big question is, do I still feel manly after strapping on a diaper? And that would be a difficult question to answer. Right off the bat I would have to say no, but then again, I have never really felt manly in the first place so could I ever answer yes? And no I have never felt girly, I have just felt like me. I have always done my own thing in my own way. I have always been a bit of a loner and never tried to fit in with the crowd. So in my eyes, manly is another term concocted by society in an effort to lump all men together. Does it really matter if you don’t fit in with society?

I know many members of the infantilism community who long ago stopped caring about others perception of them and made a conscious decision to live their life how they want to, which includes some people living at ABs 100% of the time. In recent years I have fully embraced the fetish and decided to live life for myself. Not that I cared much about society’s view of me in the first place, but I care little to none about it now; which doesn’t mean I go out in public in just a diaper, I respect that some people just don’t want to see that. I also understand that diapers are technically underwear and it’s frowned upon to go strutting around town in your tighty whities.

So do I feel manly when I strap on a diaper? No. Do I feel particularly manly when I’m not wearing a diaper? No. But does it really matter? I am happy being who I am, and I am happy with my life. I hope that you can find a nice balance in your life as well. Ironically for me, and I’m sure for many of you, one great way to relieve yourself from the pressures of societal norms is to strap on a diaper or regress to a much less adult state where it all doesn’t matter anyway.

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